He ain't heavy he's my brother...

GRACE.

The name of a '72 27' Overlander Airstream... (We'll get to "why"... have patience...)

I half imagine to my-self what was going through Derrick's mind when he and Michelle had a chance to talk with that very same social-worker on a different occasion from the one I mentioned in the previous post.

You see, I was having the last slew of tests to find out if those polyps where malignant or not, and upon my return from those tests, I see the social-worker sitting there with Derrick and Michelle and wasn't quite sure what was or wasn't said, or how it played out between Derrick and Michelle to have had made a decision that I thought of at the time, was a bit risky and incredibly uncomfortable for all present.

I could see it in Derrick's eye's... and Michelle's where especially big, too... The social-workers, also... (as I still don't think he'd yet fully gotten over his first experience with my theory into reality Mr.E speech... or the ensuing parade of so many incredibly awesome people that flowed before his very eyes... he looked mystified, or at least, that's how I imagine it...)

So, Derrick's eye's... they get big as saucers, and his brows go way up like they do when he's in a situation that is a bit uncomfortable.

You see, I've seen this on him at the Corner and it's always around something he knows is gonna be difficult and potentially explosive... He knows things...

I tense up... he tenses further... Michelle's eyes are getting bigger and he says, "Dude, I know how ya are all proud and shit... but you can stay with us. Right Michelle?" She says, "Er... ah... Yeah! Right! You can stay with us!" (Her voice goes way up when she's nervous...)

The social-worker about jumps out of his skin and interjects, "That's awesome!"

I'm blown away, just got out of a series of tests... and am not sure what to think or do and don't want anyone to know I'm scared out of my mind and that a million scenarios are playing in my head as to how this unbelievably awesome gesture is gonna fuck up big-time!

I like this guy! I hardly know this young woman, and both he and Michelle hardly know me! She, even less so than he!... (Social-worker is long absent from my mind by now...) And Derrick has seen me in some of my more, shall we say, less-than-flattering drunken, stubborn-headed, depressed, angry miserable-fuck-the-world moods to boot! That "light-cranial-contact" moment comes to mind... "No Way!" I'm thinking.

Why the hell would he offer this? Why would she agree?!

I mean, wait... sure they've been here from the moment they could all the way through it till now, and the moral support thing and all is generous beyond words, sure. But this?! Whoa...

OK.

Hmm...

I can do this I'm thinking. But, I am gonna have to pull what I call "pause" outta my ass like never before and be as humble and gracious for this, far beyond anything I have ever done before... my pride can go fuck itself... cause this is a once in a life, second chance opportunity that I dare not mess-up. My life depends on it! And besides, this same Samoan monster-of-a-man has literally picked me up and threw me to the ground like a rag-doll for slappin one of his freshly inked tatt's, AFTER he specifically told me NOT too!

And... I don't have any other options...

And... I like this guy!

And and and... Apparently...

In short, I'm blown away.

So, after the check-out process: I, this sick, little kid-like old man, twenty years the senior of these two awesome human beings is hobblin my rickety-ass out to their car and flops dead into the middle of their lives for the next four months! Seriously.

There are a slew of particulars that I'll spare ya here, but suffice it to say, they brought me into their home! A modest one bedroom basement flat. A kitchen neatly tucked between a bathroom and a living room on one side, with the bedroom and office area on the other. It's kinda like this here Airstream, in fact... It's cozy, sure. But it's clean and it's warm and it's charming.

I'm shittin bricks... this has gotta be a test!The universe it testing all of us here! This could get whacked super-fast!

Poor Michelle has no place to hide, nor does Derrick, nor do I.

Patience and pause... I'm ready. Braced, and ready. Bring it on!

Than, for all intents and purposes, I pass-out for the fist month. Getting up to eat and tied to the toilet when I'm not doing that or sleeping. Time passes lightning fast... Second month, I'm journaling like a mad-man! Then passing out for 14 plus hours at a time. Third month, I'm starting to show signs of life and Derrick puts me to some small tasks, and I start to feel as though I have some use. Michelle and I are getting familiar with each other and we're having some of the best conversations I've ever had! (Hope she feels the same.)

And quite frankly, there isn't one little burp in all of it!

No problems whatsoever between any of us! None!

NONE!

It gives me new pause. A new sense of pause...

And I go out to get some groceries one day, and as I'm coming back... I notice I'm on Central. Then I make a right turn off of Central on to Grace and than around, to the front of the house and park.

And I sit there.

Had to be a good twenty minutes or so, because I'm sitting there weeping like a fool again. This time, it cause I realize that Grace is Central to a good home. And this is that home.

And these two have shared with me something so beyond words, so awesomely amazingly loving, caring, and the kindest, most giving, positive, practical, caring people I have ever met in my life. How does one even begin to express one's appreciation and my most fortunate pleasure of being fully embraced by them? Their concern for my well-being... excessive generosity... nothing short of miraculous... unconditional love... it overwhelm's me...

To be embraced with such a warm cocoon of love... wrapped in silken threads of countless deeds, actions & words with the only expectation that I turn into the butterfly they see hidden in a worm...

Gratitude isn't enough!

Their grace, saving my life, gentile encouragement in countless ways, selfless sharing, a rock, a root, a pillar, patience, reasoned calm, balanced perspective... shit!

"Grace is central to a happy home"... A home I am now in... 

And as I'm sitting in the car crying all over the food, what comes on the radio?!

"He ain't heavy... He's my brother" [Bob Russell, 1969 done by the Hollies c. 1972]

"The road is long, with many a winding turn, that leads to who knows where... But I'm strong, strong enoough to carry him;... His welfair is my concern... for I know he would not encumber me;... If I'm laden at all, I'm laden with sadness that every one's heart isn't filled with the gladness of love for one another. It's a long, long road, from which there is no return. While we're on our way to there, why not share? And the load doesn't weigh me down at all; He ain't heavy..."

This big Samoan mutha-fucka and his little itty-bitty rock-star of a woman rock my world... and the serendipitous serendips again! They are BOTH my brother...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HFUI452XXrM


Oh no ya don't...

Wipe those eyes! We've still got some ground to cover before we get to the GOOD-STUFF! I am dead serious. It Gets Better!

Till next post, Cheers