In any adventure, there is a considerable amount of risk that one must asses at some point.
The risk of loosing everything is always the one that most folks focus on first. But I contend, that that is the least of it, as it is in this loosing that everything is gained. Let me explain:
To set this stage, we will need to go back to the prior of the prior. To before the beginning of the beginnings of this story. Pre-'Why' as I call it. A journey back toward the root.
You know by now, that I subscribe to the notion that "Row, row, row your boat" is a mantra of mine that is a vessel for which I can carry my life lessons. You know that this vessel goes with the flow, gently down this stream, and merrily, too! You know it will row, and you know it will tow. You know it is grateful for having been towed, as well!
You know that my Smash! is key to helping me, Mr.E, to demystify the mystery. And here I will try to tie it back to how that smashing is so darn smashing!
You also know I live a dream. I live this dream in a stream. Her name is 'GRACE' and she is a '72 27' Overlander Airstream.
You know the metaphor... and you know the serendipitous-ness of my adventures to some degree... so I will fill-in a missing piece. ( Missing Piece is a children's picture book by poet Shel Silverstein. It is salient here in a way as well, as it relates to my urge to find a partner... and it ties into The Precious Present by Spencer Johnson, too. But surely not so much to his Who Moved my Cheese, though there are parts that apply. And none of this is my point here. So,)
Back some time, I had the pleasure of acquiring Illusions: Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah, by Richard Bach, back in my youth. And in that youthful reading, I was infected with a poison. And that poison has been in my blood-stream, coursing through my veins... and it nagged at me unknowingly, like that 'Why', like that 'trout' that I became...and only now, has it surfaced to in-form me and provide in-sight which in-spires me higher still.
You see, all of us are being trained to be part of a society. To be productive members of some idealized Main-Stream. To stay in-line, not cause waves and stay the course that has been predetermined for us by those The They's mentioned earlier.
In Illusions, I dis-covered completely unawares, that I was that silly little fellow that entertained the idea of letting go. And if you are unfamiliar with the story, I would highly suggest reading it.You need to get the picture of an upside-down world... like a river... in which all the inhabitants are clinging to the bottom for fear of letting go. For if they were to let go, they would surely get Smash!-ed on the rocks and possibly die!
And in the story, this silly little fellow took the chance, he actually let go, and he was Smash!-ed hard on the rocks! He was drug across the bottom, scraped and bruised! Bloodied, maimed and scared... But he eventually floated up into the current. Higher and higher... until, from the perspective of those clinging, he was a sight to behold. A 'messiah' they thought...
Now, he knew he was no such 'messiah' at all and he knew he had done nothing all that special, except to accept that letting go was what had made most sense to him. So he did it. He let go against everyone else's fears... warnings... pleadings... of what "He Should Do" by their estimation. He followed his own inner-voice. He just let go.
Now, I suppose, for the purposes of telling a story, Bach needed to paint a pretty picture. For if he was to paint an accurate picture of letting go, than no one would ever do such a thing. Ever! So he crafted his story in such a way that it glamorized it a bit. He even ended the story with a coma! The only book I know of that has ever done that! Sort of like saying, 'this story continues' or 'repeats'... It adds wonder to the mystery of it all.
Now I, Mr.E, the de-mystify-er... have come to realize that this story has played on in my mind at some subconscious level for a very long time. And it wasn't until now, today in-fact, that it has surfaced. And to me, that is a testament for the quality of writing that I aspire to. It is perhaps what I hope this entire blog-adventure will become. A story of a fellow that serves to inspire in its readers a faith that everything is right as rain.
And why I think this is so important and all consuming is, I have walked this path less traveled and along the way 'GRACE' was given to me in such a way that I feel I must share its story. It is bigger than me. It is salient to the times. It is zeitgeist! (And no, not that movie, but much, much more...) Because, you see, there are so many of us out there, each with our own voice. And times are getting harder than any of us ever thought possible. And as the challenges of life under this dynamic start to take shape, it is my hope that this story will be a guiding light on a dark and scary path we never intended to take. It is a gift. It is my vocation. My calling. (It is so creepy in fact,as that link in 'voice' above, is from my older days with Mark Smith, the God-Father of Slam-Poetry, and to which Smash! forwarded to me just yesterday and my knowing not only Mark, but Shayn as well...! And to Clifton's son Chris! Another poet to whom I turned on to Mark, that like Shayn, like I, like you... all have a voice! There is a whole book here, just on this serendipity. Creepy happenstance? NO! It is the stream streaming dreams into this Mr.E!)
And in this stream, this Mr.E Streaming... I hope you'll see the dream is more than just a dreaming. I hope you can see past the rhyming... past the toying with time thing... past the serendipitous... past the 'Why'... past the shit... and into the flow.
To the sea! To see! Do you see?! Come float with me... come float and see!
The Streaming is sure to continue... till next time, Cheers
P.S. And for anyone who doubts this, know, that River Metals is going to become my largest and most recent client! Re-Cycling in the scrap-stream of dreams to provide a flow to that illusive income-stream! May the Universe make it so.
Friday, April 29
Tuesday, April 12
Spring... Please SPRING...
So. The story here is far from done and nowhere near complete.
There are a million little details that need to be filled in.
But this darn Spring thing is on my mind...
You know... when I was in the city, there where these birds that'd sit right outside my window on a wire and chirp and flutter and fuss... and than the squirrels would squeal, chase each other about... and that couple you could hear a few windows away...
Ya know... SPRING!
And it is a Springin like mad!
So I zoosk'ed myself, just to see if there is a soul out there that could even possibly "get" me... and I sent out invites to some folks to get their HONEST opinion of me, for Testimonials, and to all of you that have/will, Thank you.
I am sure there is someone out there... in this stream of inter-webbing... that would think it cool to hang-out.
Hard as it is to admit... I miss the Corner, the City, and the folks... and I really need to meet some new folks 'round these here parts.
And I hope that any of 'em that sees this will explore a bit. For, to YOU, obviously, you figured-out how to find this in the stream. So, Here I am! Go to the About page. Start from the beginning. Heck, if ya made it this far, why not take a look-see and if this me, Mr.E, is even remotely interesting to you?!
Cause I know you're out there... And I know you get this... and this me. So, anyway...
SPRING it on!!!
Make a comment or somethin'... or join... or somethin'...
Cheers
Oh! and hey... help us all out here if you're so inclined:
Remember when teachers, public employees, Planned Parenthood, NPR and PBS crashed the stock market, wiped out half of our 401Ks, took trillions in TARP money, spilled oil in the Gulf of Mexico, gave themselves billions in bonuses, and paid no taxes? Yeah, me neither. COPY and REPOST
There are a million little details that need to be filled in.
But this darn Spring thing is on my mind...
You know... when I was in the city, there where these birds that'd sit right outside my window on a wire and chirp and flutter and fuss... and than the squirrels would squeal, chase each other about... and that couple you could hear a few windows away...
Ya know... SPRING!
And it is a Springin like mad!
So I zoosk'ed myself, just to see if there is a soul out there that could even possibly "get" me... and I sent out invites to some folks to get their HONEST opinion of me, for Testimonials, and to all of you that have/will, Thank you.
I am sure there is someone out there... in this stream of inter-webbing... that would think it cool to hang-out.
Hard as it is to admit... I miss the Corner, the City, and the folks... and I really need to meet some new folks 'round these here parts.
And I hope that any of 'em that sees this will explore a bit. For, to YOU, obviously, you figured-out how to find this in the stream. So, Here I am! Go to the About page. Start from the beginning. Heck, if ya made it this far, why not take a look-see and if this me, Mr.E, is even remotely interesting to you?!
Cause I know you're out there... And I know you get this... and this me. So, anyway...
SPRING it on!!!
Make a comment or somethin'... or join... or somethin'...
Cheers
Oh! and hey... help us all out here if you're so inclined:
Remember when teachers, public employees, Planned Parenthood, NPR and PBS crashed the stock market, wiped out half of our 401Ks, took trillions in TARP money, spilled oil in the Gulf of Mexico, gave themselves billions in bonuses, and paid no taxes? Yeah, me neither. COPY and REPOST
Sunday, April 10
Getting back to GRACE... Part VII... Dealing... De-fining...
If you have not been reading this blog from the very beginning or you are new to this space, please go directly to the ABOUT THIS BLOG and get familiar with it. Than, If you choose to continue... do so from the very beginning so everything falls into context for you. Cause if you just scroll down into the middle of something... not familiar with what it is predicate upon... than you will have a completely warped perception of what this whole thing is. So Please Start from the beginning and by the time you get to this, you'll be ready for it's content. It is a work in progress. It is art in process. It is what it is.
Sorry y'all, so, having mentioned before that I was going to address dealing with your 'shit'... Please know that the last post was for me to get that 'thank you' out of my head - as it had been bugging me for some time - and I just needed to "get 'er done" as JZ says.
(Yes, Johnny! I hope you're reading this shit! I got stories on stories on your kick-fuckin-assness during all of this shit, but ain't gonna put none of it up till we talk and burn some shit, smoke some shit, and eat some good shit... so, read on!) <Opps... sorry. (I have those moments every now & then... Must be the humidity down here... or maybe it's that I miss the CORNER... anyway... [and as choppy of a segue as that was...]... let's get back on track)...>
Now... some of you know the back-side back-story of the back story... of the previous winter...
And... some of you know... that there was a lot of shit going on then, too.
Some of you where very sad at what you saw... and some of you couldn't quite grasp it... And still others, could have given a rats ass or quite frankly, may not have known.
And some of you know about that "Dealing with your shit rant" that I had had at that time...
And some of you have witnessed the transformations... not only one, this but others as well...
And all of you have provided various levels of support through various means and in various ways at various times to varying degrees.
And when I was in the shit SO deep, that my shit needed serious help this time, when you could not look away... you could not dismiss... you could not ignore... you put on boots that I didn't even know existed and trudged through it all to get me! (And that goes for some of those anonymous folks that pitched in too!)
And than through all of that shit, those of you that came to my rescue became THE SHIT!
And that was golden!
That was brilliant!
That shed light onto a path which allowed me to navigate out of the shit!
And you kept those boots on and held my arm till, and so that, I wouldn't slip and fall back into it!
So yes, all this talk of shit has a purpose.
And here it is:
Dealing with your shit...
Dealing with your shit...
Dealing with your shit...
Dealing with your shit...
The idea of dealing with one's shit, is predicate upon defining 'shit'.
So let's do just that!
The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, c. 1981, Houghton-Mifflin, defines 'shit' as:
shit (shĭt) v. shit or shat (shăt) or shitted, shitting, shits. -intr.
Vulgar. To defecate. -tr. Vulgar Slang. To decieve or mislead.
-n. 1. Vulgar. Excrement. 2. Vulgar. An act of defecating.
3. Yulgar Slang. Worthless matter; junk. 4. Vulgar Slang. Fool-
ish or misleading talk; nonsense. 5. Vulgar Slang. A highly ob-
jectionable person. 6. Vulgar Slang. A narcotic drug; espe-
cially, heroin. -interj. Vulgar Slang. Used to express anger or
disappointment. [Middle English shiten, to void excrement,
Old English scatin (attested only in compound bescītan, to be-
foul). See skei- in Appendix*]
And though this seems to be a fully formed definition, it is not the only definition.
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/shit defines it further: (And better, in my humble opinion).
And we haven't even considered The Oxford English Dictionary, (OED), which is the self-proclaimed "definitive record", to which, after reading The Professor and the Madman, ISBN:[0060839783 / 0-06-083978-3] adds a whole other level of 'shit' we are not ready to add to this process of defining 'shit'.
And we could go further still with a Google/Wiki wonderland of more 'shit' to add to this 'shit', which like the OED 'shit' turns it into 'shit'.
And all of it is 'Bullshit'.
And that 'shit' has been attempted by Harry G. Frankfurt in his On Bullshit, Princeton, 2005, ISBN:0-691-12294-6, which I highly recommend, even though it too, adds to the pile.
So, let's take a short-cut here, and define it as:
'To utter in vulgar slang, and in a foolish or exagerated fashion, something un-wrought, that is strong, authoritative, intense, obscure, some-what deceptive perhaps and full of candor'.
How's that?
Candor?!
Right. That's a whole nother can of worms... take that out...
No, put it back in... [Ahhh......! Never mind.]
It lacks something, though... Some inadvertancy... Some aspect of vapor... Some punch!
Maybe, we can approach it from the literal to the figurative? How's that?
On the literal, most don't even want to address it.
That's why we have such elaborate systems with which to deal with shit, and keep it out of sight-out of mind...
And maybe that works if you live in a modern society, in a brick & mortar structure so fully accomodated...
But if your not, like say, in an Airstream, than things get a bit different.
There are many considerations here, too, as to how you deal. And all of "how well you'll deal" is predicate upon whether having had delt before or not. Like say, in a camping scenario. But that has variables as well.
Again, predicate upon degrees of experience. And so very few in a 'Modern' society, have. Which is exactly why this is such a vulgar and uncouth topic in the first place... right?
Wrong!
If you don't know how to deal with your shit on a literal level, with first-hand experiences, than you will be unequiped to even begin exploreing the figurative.
Here's why:
Figuratively speaking, your figurative shit is MUCH less couth to deal with.
And I mean that literally!
We, as a 'Modern' society'd peoples, all hide our shit. We hide birth. We hide death. We hide illness. We hide uglyness, etc.. You get the idea, we hide our shit and don't want to deal with it AT ALL!
That's why we have doctors/hospitals and mortitians/funeral homes and sanitation/plumbing systems, and mountains of pills and out of control bills, as we medicate our selves to death, or try to surround our selves with shit that makes us feel better about our 'shit', or pay for the shit we've already got, until that shit turns to shit, the shit pills stop doing their shit job, or the plumbing blows, or ya get sick or yur gonna die.
Than your into the shit over your head and still can't deal with it!
What to do?
What to do...
So, doesn't it make sense to deal with it long before it becomes an issue? I mean, wouldn't it be nice if any of that shit we just looked at, only required a pair of boots to pull-on and know that our footing is solid, so as we can wade through that shit... and also, so we're not covered in it?
But maybe not. Maybe suckin shit, eating shit, taking shit, getting shit, giving shit and all the variations of shit is exactlly what we need in order to understand it.
And 'it' is a whole different ball of wax! 'It' is shit and it is not-shit. No shit! It is everything and no thing, but it is not nothing, and if you get that, than you've delt with your shit and are laughing like a fool right now!
Because YOU know that none of this shit matters.
What matters is that you give a shit.
And agian, to those that did, thank you.
:) Cheers
P.S. (See, I told y'all, shit happens...)
P.P.S. And more is sure to follow... I shit you not...
P.P.P.S. If for some unfortunate reason, you found this to be offensive, than please do read on. As you may not have yet figured out that this approach is by design intended to fluster traditional thinking patterns. And, perhaps, by continuing on with this journey, you too, will be better equipped to deal with what-ever life throws your way. And IF, after you have given it a fair-shot, and still can't stomach the content or its delivery, than by all means, do move on as I clearly stated in the "About this" blog page, that it is what it is, and I make no apologies. For this is my life, expressed as best I can, to inspire others to follow what ever calling it is that they feel they may have or that might present itself. Perhaps GRACE is a vehicle in which to do just that. And at least for me, it is. And this does not mean that I am in some "Into the Wild" movie script either. And no, I have not lost my mind. And yes, this is but one of many alternatives to finding ways of dealing with the challenges of life, that again, seeks to inspire positive change into a social construct that has seemingly lost its fucking mind. Think of it as a vent that at least for me, balances the extremes between apathy or extremism, as I believe both will end superfluously. Travel well - Row YOUR boat - Tow another if & when they NEED it - Do it gently and with great joy - As life is but a dream. That is the theme of this Stream, it is the mythos of this dream, and I seek to do it with GRACE. Cheers
P.P.P.S. If for some unfortunate reason, you found this to be offensive, than please do read on. As you may not have yet figured out that this approach is by design intended to fluster traditional thinking patterns. And, perhaps, by continuing on with this journey, you too, will be better equipped to deal with what-ever life throws your way. And IF, after you have given it a fair-shot, and still can't stomach the content or its delivery, than by all means, do move on as I clearly stated in the "About this" blog page, that it is what it is, and I make no apologies. For this is my life, expressed as best I can, to inspire others to follow what ever calling it is that they feel they may have or that might present itself. Perhaps GRACE is a vehicle in which to do just that. And at least for me, it is. And this does not mean that I am in some "Into the Wild" movie script either. And no, I have not lost my mind. And yes, this is but one of many alternatives to finding ways of dealing with the challenges of life, that again, seeks to inspire positive change into a social construct that has seemingly lost its fucking mind. Think of it as a vent that at least for me, balances the extremes between apathy or extremism, as I believe both will end superfluously. Travel well - Row YOUR boat - Tow another if & when they NEED it - Do it gently and with great joy - As life is but a dream. That is the theme of this Stream, it is the mythos of this dream, and I seek to do it with GRACE. Cheers
Getting back to GRACE... Part VI... SMASH!t...
And what a day! What an effort! Fun for all and plenty of tears and cheers!
Meat-Raffles, 50/50's, BOOZE Raffles... Silent auctions... tons of huggin!
WOW!
At the end of it all, once the dust settled... Derrick was in hand with 3680 which was well over what was needed!
I am beside myself.
I beg for a mail list... I get an email list...
"NO" I say... "I want to hand write and mail these... old-school"... list never appears.
This blog does.
IT IS THAT THANK YOU TO ALL THAT PARTICIPATED, KNOWN OR ANONYMOUS, PRESENT OR NOT, THANK YOU ALL!
And Monday, that Holiday at Happy Daze, Inc., known as The Corner, all heal from a LONG day of gracious 'GRACE' giving's.
***
Now, I'm gonna rush through some stuff, cause I just have to get it out. I will come-back and redo what needs re-done-ing and will reference back to here, in future posts. Like I said, it's a work in progress... And I gotta figure out some way to get that one stream... that illusive stream... the In-come Stream... that will not come IN! and stream...! If I had my druthers, I'd have the resources to make this what it should be... but, until that happens, we're just gonna have to do the best we can with what we got... Anyway:
***
Come Tuesday, Derrick gets on the phone to arrange the meet time with Sanda at Emerald Trails... and...
Well...
It turns to shit.
And SMASH! is having none of it!
He will SMASH SHIT!
Now, by this time, I'm on the road for the first-time in a long time since that illness, to get to a trade-show in Sandusky Ohio.
And the call comes in that everything has turned to shit.
I come to learn, via Derrick, via Sanda, that "the lady" sold it. "Sorry you lost you deposit, hurts me real bad." Sanda says, "she feel real bad 'bout the whole thing, but maybe you get you deposit back..."
Shit.
I am on the road, dealing with that shit, a million things coming at me a million miles an hour now turns in the matter of seconds to a billion miles an hour with this! Warp-Speed! OH SHIT!
And shit is about to get SMASH!ed because now this shit is everyone's shit, as it is their shit, too!
"Operation..." well... I'll skip that part... for now.
***
Here's what Smash! does once the dust from all that shit settled:
And again, Thank you all!
For it is here that I write this story... and it is here that it continues... in GRACE.
With a GRACE that was a gift, a treasure and a gem from each and every one of you, in your own unique and special way.
I have been moved beyond words.
And, there's still more to go... more posts to follow... Can you believe it?!
Yes, REALLY!!! Shit happens!
Cheers till then...
Meat-Raffles, 50/50's, BOOZE Raffles... Silent auctions... tons of huggin!
WOW!
At the end of it all, once the dust settled... Derrick was in hand with 3680 which was well over what was needed!
I am beside myself.
I beg for a mail list... I get an email list...
"NO" I say... "I want to hand write and mail these... old-school"... list never appears.
This blog does.
IT IS THAT THANK YOU TO ALL THAT PARTICIPATED, KNOWN OR ANONYMOUS, PRESENT OR NOT, THANK YOU ALL!
And Monday, that Holiday at Happy Daze, Inc., known as The Corner, all heal from a LONG day of gracious 'GRACE' giving's.
***
Now, I'm gonna rush through some stuff, cause I just have to get it out. I will come-back and redo what needs re-done-ing and will reference back to here, in future posts. Like I said, it's a work in progress... And I gotta figure out some way to get that one stream... that illusive stream... the In-come Stream... that will not come IN! and stream...! If I had my druthers, I'd have the resources to make this what it should be... but, until that happens, we're just gonna have to do the best we can with what we got... Anyway:
***
Come Tuesday, Derrick gets on the phone to arrange the meet time with Sanda at Emerald Trails... and...
Well...
It turns to shit.
And SMASH! is having none of it!
He will SMASH SHIT!
Now, by this time, I'm on the road for the first-time in a long time since that illness, to get to a trade-show in Sandusky Ohio.
And the call comes in that everything has turned to shit.
I come to learn, via Derrick, via Sanda, that "the lady" sold it. "Sorry you lost you deposit, hurts me real bad." Sanda says, "she feel real bad 'bout the whole thing, but maybe you get you deposit back..."
Shit.
I am on the road, dealing with that shit, a million things coming at me a million miles an hour now turns in the matter of seconds to a billion miles an hour with this! Warp-Speed! OH SHIT!
And shit is about to get SMASH!ed because now this shit is everyone's shit, as it is their shit, too!
"Operation..." well... I'll skip that part... for now.
***
Here's what Smash! does once the dust from all that shit settled:
Derrick Smash March 1 at 5:36pm***
anyways, you all already know that there was a major snafu in [operation airstream] - involving it getting sold just after I had told
them I'd see them last saturday to pay in full in cash. yadda yadda boohoo.
Anyways, Mary Lou (Steve's special lady friend) conveniently enough had an airstream in excellent condition sitting out in Ohio. She agreed to sell the airstream to Evan. Surely, she did not sell it to Evan for the amount of the check attached to this message, but one of the guys who owns Vortex, the company Evan's working for, is contributing the difference between the selling price and the price of the check attached.
The check image is attached to this message to have it on record that all the cash I had received from operation airstream did in fact go towards it...and you are all witnesses. Didn't send this to all too many people. You may notice a difference between the total amount I said we raised and the amount of this check - some people who heard about the falling through of the initial airstream dealing have retracted their donations so that their personal financing isn't so hurt in meantime. However, they did in fact say that they would recontribute it once we figured out the new plan. Due to the time restraints and our yearning to get this deal done and settled (and get Evan the fuck out of my house), we decided to proceed with purchase instead of re-contacting people and spending another week or three for check to clear, funds to be available, etc, etc. Anyways, that is the reasoning for the offset in raised amount and attached check amount. I didn't bleed any to myself.
In short, despite the short postponement of [operation airstream], we have completely recovered and Evan has found an airstream that in better/complete functioning order and already located in the geographic region where he conducts his business for Vortex. It all came out better in the end.
Thanks on Evan's Behalf,
derricksmash
ps) also, shoot Evan an email w/ you physical mailing address, as he seems to be trying to compile the full list so that he can personally thank you all. See his Facebook wall.
And again, Thank you all!
For it is here that I write this story... and it is here that it continues... in GRACE.
With a GRACE that was a gift, a treasure and a gem from each and every one of you, in your own unique and special way.
I have been moved beyond words.
And, there's still more to go... more posts to follow... Can you believe it?!
Yes, REALLY!!! Shit happens!
Cheers till then...
Getting back to GRACE... Part V... SMASH!ed
- I respond....
And Facebook goes bonkers!
and, and, and...
and... and... and...
The day comes...
Holy shit...
It goes on and on and on and on...
32 Attending
View11 Maybe Attending
View
33 Awaiting Reply
View
7 Not Attending
And on, and on, and on...
It goes way past the allotted time...
EVERYONE gets SMASH!-ed... (and some even got a bit tipsy...)
All told, close to 70 people came through those doors that day.
To help a friend, that guy in The Corner, to say thanks, to get hugged on by me, to share the affect I had on them, a show of GRACE all the way around!
WOW!
POW!
SMASH!ed
I'm floored.
Getting back to GRACE... Part IV... SMASH!
A floating cork.
And here I thought I was a fish... busting-ass, swimming against the current, and STILL, finding my self belly-up.
A million directions and a million things all flying at me at once! I'm getting more than stressed... more than depressed.... more than can be expressed.
But I keep on swimming.
So, out of the murky waters ... somewhere way up-stream... some foggy image starts taking shape... and it's coming at me fast...But it's not what I think it is...
POW!
Mr. SMASH splashes into the stream like a raging maniac and unbeknown to me sends this out!!!
Now, keep in mind, I'm still flopping around without a clue of any of it. It was shared post 'Operation' anonymously...:
SMASH!!!
And then lightning crashes!!! Marie from the Rip-Tide passes...
http://www.chicagotribune.com/
And I'm speechless... utterly speechless.
To continue, next post.
Cheers
And here I thought I was a fish... busting-ass, swimming against the current, and STILL, finding my self belly-up.
A million directions and a million things all flying at me at once! I'm getting more than stressed... more than depressed.... more than can be expressed.
But I keep on swimming.
So, out of the murky waters ... somewhere way up-stream... some foggy image starts taking shape... and it's coming at me fast...But it's not what I think it is...
POW!
Mr. SMASH splashes into the stream like a raging maniac and unbeknown to me sends this out!!!
Now, keep in mind, I'm still flopping around without a clue of any of it. It was shared post 'Operation' anonymously...:
Derrick Smash January 28 at 3:33pmAlright guys. Everyone receiving this message 1) knows Evan and furthermore 2) knows his current situation.
When Evan was discharged from his long hospital stay, he had nowhere to go except for where he came from - a campground...which I feel is probably what got him sick in the first place. Since I couldn't watch this happen, Michelle and I took him into our home to give him a recovery location through the winter months.
His health is drastically better, and my girl and I are looking forward to having our own space again. I have given Evan until March 1st to find his next living situation. While I know that he is more than happy to live the way he did, I would feel a lot better is he had somewhere better to go.
Evan has a downpayment on an airstream trailer. He owes $3000 for it to be his. I present the idea of throwing a fundraiser for this cause. It would be on a Saturday or Sunday from something along the lines of noon to 8pm. It would be a closed-door event: blinds closed, doors locked, and Evan supporters having a party. Maybe a silly theme - chicago prohibition, silly hats only, etc, etc. Possibly a cover charge, altered liquor/beer prices, etc, etc. Actual strategies and activities to actually bring the cash in is in the works. Either way...we are going to have a huge fucking party.
Terry, the owner of the corner, has already agreed for these shananigans to ensue. He is willing to close his bar down for us and Evan on either a Saturday or Sunday for the time slot stated above. We are thinking one of the weekends in mid-February.
Now, my questions to you guys is 1) which day is better? Why? and 2) will you be there?
Also, a few more things to understand. Evan is a proud man and I am not sure if I am going to let him in on these plans just yet. It is more than likely that he would be embarassed (he shouldn't) by his "roomie" throwing an event to pay off his airstream prior to his departure from my home. If this is in fact the case, is it more than likely that I will personally take the funds we raise to the campground to pay off the airstream owner, getting the keys, coming back home and giving to Evan.
The airstream in it and of itself is another issue. The lady he owes seem to be getting fed up...and his down payment is what it is: a sum of intial payment that 'reserves' a purchase but is fortfeited if balance isn't paid off in a certain time frame. A couple of us know that this line is getting damn close. I am doing what I can to make sure they can wait it out for atleast several more weeks. I am not completely sure of the actual shakeyness of this loss of down payment concept, but from overhearing conversations and stuff...this does seem to be a rational fear. Like I said, I will take care of that.
So yea, give me some insight. What day works better for you guys? I gotta start making a list of attendees.
-derricksmash
ps) If you feel that you aren't sure if you can attend, but would still like to contribute, you can donate directly to Evan through me. I am trustworthy as hell. I will make sure that 100% of donations go towards the cause. If you want to remain anonymous, I will respect those wishes as well.
Now, I thought something was odd that day, cause Smash! wanted the email addresses of my two peers and the lady with the unit. So I provide 'em to him.
AND THE SMASH! SMASHES MORE!
Here's that SMASH! sent later that day:
Subject: hey guys... My name’s Derrick. I’ve been housing Evan for the last 4 months since his discharge from U of C Medical Hospital. He seems to be “healed” in regards to the physical incapability he once bore when he first moved in. He has been living in my front room. I have provided parking for his vehicle, a roof over his head, a bed (couch), food, electricity, high speed internet, a bathroom, and all other amenities included w/ my living style. I have asked not a penny from him…not because I can afford that, but because I know that he can’t. He has occasionally purchased groceries for our home with the miniscule paychecks he occasionally receives and that’s all I’ve asked of him. Seeing the situation he’s in physically is something I’ve decided to make a move on. Our deal was for me to give him space to heal and it has been reached. I have given Evan until March 1stto get his next living situation figured out. He is about 100% healed and for the last month or so has been using 100% of all of his energy and my resources to keep himself, you guys, and vortex depollution up and somewhat running. He has occupied approximately 1/3 of my space and resources for the last 4 months. If I were to reveal what 1/3 of my home’s operating cost is for 4 months, that’s the figure it has cost me so far to keep Evan physically healthy enough to work. This money I will never ask of him – he’s a friend and he would do the same for me. I am not sure about how informed you are with the health state he was in, but it is very possible that I kept him alive. His only plan of action now is to get into this airstream trailer. I would be much happier having him leave my home and heading to his new home, the airstream, instead of living like he did. The way he lived before was what put him in the hospital. I have anger, frustration and pity in the way Evan has been treated financially for all the work he does for a greater power – Vortex – but I am trying my hardest to suppress that. I am planning a fundraiser to take place at a bar I work at probably on the weekend of 2/19. I have talked the owner into letting me close down the bar and making a “private event” from noon to about 6pm. The only people who are coming in are supporters of Evan. The goal of the fundraiser is to make Evan enough money to pay off that airstream. Profits will go to him, possibly raffle-type events, maybe some gambling of some sort, etc, etc. In the past we’ve been able to raise as much as $2000. This event won’t do that because it will have to be a private event with only 20 – 30 of Evan’s supporters coming out - most of which I know are in bad socioeconomic states themselves. Evan is a simple person who gets very emotional when people come help him in times of need and that’s why I know people will show up. You guys are invited too =) What I am requesting of you guys is to make up the difference between what we raise for Evan and the remaining balance on the airstream – which I believe is approx $3000, but I am not entirely sure. He and Vortex have cost me a large financial burden and the bar being closed to the public for the fundraiser is going to cost my boss a lot of money. The owner and myself are in no way going to ask for this to be recuperated, but letting you know that you owe at leastthis to Evan. I know he busts his ass for you guys hell of a lot more than what he’s given credit for. What do ya say? Please inform.
Now, still unawares of any of this... the water starts to bubble!
It isn't until this one that I'm even aware any of this was happening: (Keep in mind, I don't think it was intended at this point that I should know... but, I got included by accident... and the cat was out of the bag!)
What’s up Everyone:
My name is Derrick Pugh. I am a friend of Evan and have been helping him get through this winter of poor health and living situation. His condition now is nearly back to 100% since his discharge from UofC Hospital four months ago. He is back on his feet and we have mutually decided on a move-out date from my home – March 1st.
A lot of you already know about this event and I apologize if you are receiving this information yet again.
Unbeknownst to him, I am throwing a fundraiser. The goal of this fundraiser, cleverly titled “Operation Airstream”, is to raise the additional $3000 he still owes on his airstream trailer. He laid his down payment of $2000 at the end of Summer 2010. He had an action plan implemented to ensure that the remaining balance ($3000) was covered and the airstream was his prior to Winter of 2010. This whole plan was ruined by his health – he became hospitalized for nearly a month and has resided at my home since about October 2010.
The idea of raising money to get him into an airstream as opposed to an apartment or some other form of ‘normality’ may sound dubious to many - but if you know Evan, trust me, he wouldn’t have it any other way. While many people dream of a lavish mansion on the seaside, Evan simply dreams of his airstream.
This fundraiser is taking place on Sunday, February 20th. It will go from 11am to approximately 5pm. I work at a bar called “The Corner” and the owner has agreed to shut his business’ doors to the public for this timeframe and dedicate it to raising funds for Operation Airstream. You are all invited to this event as well as anyone else you/Evan knows that is willing to contribute. It will basically be just like any other Sunday afternoon of daydrinking at a bar – the only difference is that this will be a “closed door” event for us friends of Evan with the intent to raise money for his airstream. Actual means of raising funds are still TBA – people have spoke about hosting auctions for some unused appliances, old clothes, some cash raffles, etc - worst case is you show up and contribute what you can and we physically donate what we can. Additionally, the day after (Monday the 21st) is a National Holiday (Presidents’ Day) – and that always makes Sunday drinking more fun! If you have and idea to raise funds, come with it.
If you’d like to RSVP, let me know ASAP so we can plan food and inventory accordingly. If you’d like to be included on the official Facebook Event Page, send me a friend request and I will then invite you to the Event. From there, you can invite whomever you’d like that will contribute. My personal Facebook page is www.facebook.com/derricksmash. I recommend you do this as the Facebook Event Page will have the most up-to-date information about the fundraiser.
The Corner Bar
2224 N Leavitt (Near Damen and Webster in Bucktown)
Chicago, IL 60647
11:00AM to ~5:00PM
Street Parking is Public
If you can’t make the event for whatever reason, but would like to donate, let me know (via reply or facebook) and I will personally assure you that all funds will go towards the Operation Airstream and your anonymity will be held in confidence if you so choose.
cheers, derricksmash
SMASH!!!
And then lightning crashes!!! Marie from the Rip-Tide passes...
http://www.chicagotribune.com/
And I'm speechless... utterly speechless.
To continue, next post.
Cheers
Saturday, April 9
Getting back to GRACE... Part III... SMASHING!
RECAP:
[So, you saw a 'stream'... Some-time back...
[And a 'serendipity' played on the 'why' of it all; 'way-back' then and also in 'this' then.
[This Mr.E Streaming...
[And all of it ties into that old 'way-back' stream which leads to new dreams... new realities... new experiences... which set me on the path to go from that 'way-back' then, passing the sharp corners of life, finding one's-self-stuck in the mud... crawling, than jumping back into that stream again... and coming to 'this'...
[And to save you from the War & Peace of it all... (we're gonna skip the full/fill of between the 'way-back' to the 'this'... which/that/had got me to The CORNER in the first-place. Suffice it to say, that it all ties into and beyond what you've already read to this point!).
[So, I am going to stick to the main current here, as in the now more 'salient present now'. This stream...
[You read about the thyroid that blew out and caused a whole load of near-deathidness in Dire, when it was dire and an Angel named Mariana saved me from dying there, to the comedy of her heroics of getting me to the UofC, (and, know that what I meant by "you should hear her version" was she was scared to death the entire time! That's what 'that look' was... that exchange of a glance... anyway... She'd need to tell it in her voice. It's a whole chapter at least!)
[Then you read moments of cerebrally-masturbatory-clarity with the social-worker, more 'serendipity', more answered 'why's'...
[How love pours in, The CORNER pours in, GRACE pours in... to that UofC and the how of the healing process...comprised of previous preceding's all predicate on past pouring's... actually proceeded.
[And you read and perhaps cried as deeply as I, when my emaciated-ass was saved by "my brother"...
[And on to some oddities in "What a Life!" which prompted some of what you read in Part I, which is were I got to witness the first stages of GRACE, and than in Part II, where that GRACE gets a 'real good hold' of me, to which I didn't really get at that time. And surely, not to the extent that it inevitably would play upon me, here.
[GRACE.
[Personal thoughts transformed by this exposure to GRACE, to which I was fully embraced.
[Then... Which is still only the beginning! It continues in this posting:
... GRACE.]
You see, my writings are 'post processing's' and 'topdressings' of re-membered 'things' in all sorts of out-of-order, jumbled, gibber-jabber... The taking of past experiences and revelations to present experiences and revelations to explain some gelling I experienced in the STREAM!
Yes, STREAM!
And I am going to STREAM it as LOUD as I can!
Because this is where it goes from greatfabulouswonderfulmiraculousmymindbendingawesomeness... to being SMASH!ed to bits by a Holy-monstrous-WOW! POW! Kick you in your fucking teeth!
and... "Evan, You Are Loved!" STREAMED at me from a thousand direction!!!
WOW.
I can tell ya that that'll give ya pause...
You can bet your ass on it!
THAT is Pause.
Now, as I was going through that healing process and all that that that was, somewhere in the back of my mind, I know I am going to have to move on.
And a few things were at play on my mind which brought about something even MORE unbelievable than everything you have read to this point!
I'll back up a bit and try to tie it together (and I suppose, an apology for the mental gymnastics my timelines may present to the reader. Just go with it, see the flow and read this as a whole. A complete STREAM! Go on... Do it... scream that stream! Feels damn good! Don't it?)
Now,by the time I was showing real signs of improvement, I put my effort into that VORTEX that I truly believe will allow me to get me back on my feet.
You can call it Mr. E-mobilizing to find an INCOME-stream.
But, 'vortices' by their very nature are fluid-flowing-whirlwinds that'll suck up everything you have got... and even some of what you don't got and may never get. (At least, until you/I get 'it', and oh yes, we will get to that! Later).
It's a cosmic food-processor and I am the meat. The gods are hungry.
It's a sink-hole in some Bermuda-Triangle like place between reality, fantasy, and enlightenment. But more on that later, too.
Point was, money ain't flowing in that INCOME-stream too readily and my only hope of staying alive, (kicking and grasping-gasping for air), is to get into that AIR-STREAM that I put $2,000 hard-earned with the blood of my skinny ass and almost the point of my life to get! Hell, I've only got another 3 to go!
It's my only hope. My home. My chance.
Yet, I'm busting-ass to make it happen... and all I'm getting is tied-up in the weeds, roots and trees. Spun into eddies, sucked under and spat-out again, choking. With every row of my feeble-boat, my oars are getting tangled-up! It's un-fucking-believable. Really.
Now, Derrick & Michelle are watching this whole thing take place, and my one peer does the best he can on his end, the other is far-off on the other end of the pond shooting arrows in Nottingham and it's not looking like my value to this venture is worth what ain't there. So, nickels are stretched. Dimes are actually pennies and stretched thinner than a Cat-5 wire and covered in plastic! (THAT is ANOTHER story in the STREAM we'll get to...)
And MY BROTHERS are pissed. They see my ability, and can't for the life of them, see what I'm seeing, let alone WHY. "There are a million jobs I could take. Fuck this." they say... but I'm certain... I am a driven rain-drop that's got to get to the sea!
And in the midst of seeing that side of it, that side of me, They decide an "Operation" is in order. And what an "Operation" it is!
"Operation Airstream"
A fund-raiser, to get my ass off their couch and into that trailer! To raise the difference! To make it happen!
And what transpires prior to my knowing anything about it, is a tumultuous sea, and I'm a cork floating around like a fool on the surface of uncertainty taxing the patience of MY BROTHER.
Till next post,
Cheers
[So, you saw a 'stream'... Some-time back...
[And a 'serendipity' played on the 'why' of it all; 'way-back' then and also in 'this' then.
[This Mr.E Streaming...
[And all of it ties into that old 'way-back' stream which leads to new dreams... new realities... new experiences... which set me on the path to go from that 'way-back' then, passing the sharp corners of life, finding one's-self-stuck in the mud... crawling, than jumping back into that stream again... and coming to 'this'...
[And to save you from the War & Peace of it all... (we're gonna skip the full/fill of between the 'way-back' to the 'this'... which/that/had got me to The CORNER in the first-place. Suffice it to say, that it all ties into and beyond what you've already read to this point!).
[So, I am going to stick to the main current here, as in the now more 'salient present now'. This stream...
[You read about the thyroid that blew out and caused a whole load of near-deathidness in Dire, when it was dire and an Angel named Mariana saved me from dying there, to the comedy of her heroics of getting me to the UofC, (and, know that what I meant by "you should hear her version" was she was scared to death the entire time! That's what 'that look' was... that exchange of a glance... anyway... She'd need to tell it in her voice. It's a whole chapter at least!)
[Then you read moments of cerebrally-masturbatory-clarity with the social-worker, more 'serendipity', more answered 'why's'...
[How love pours in, The CORNER pours in, GRACE pours in... to that UofC and the how of the healing process...comprised of previous preceding's all predicate on past pouring's... actually proceeded.
[And you read and perhaps cried as deeply as I, when my emaciated-ass was saved by "my brother"...
[And on to some oddities in "What a Life!" which prompted some of what you read in Part I, which is were I got to witness the first stages of GRACE, and than in Part II, where that GRACE gets a 'real good hold' of me, to which I didn't really get at that time. And surely, not to the extent that it inevitably would play upon me, here.
[GRACE.
[Personal thoughts transformed by this exposure to GRACE, to which I was fully embraced.
[Then... Which is still only the beginning! It continues in this posting:
... GRACE.]
You see, my writings are 'post processing's' and 'topdressings' of re-membered 'things' in all sorts of out-of-order, jumbled, gibber-jabber... The taking of past experiences and revelations to present experiences and revelations to explain some gelling I experienced in the STREAM!
Yes, STREAM!
And I am going to STREAM it as LOUD as I can!
Because this is where it goes from greatfabulouswonderfulmiraculousmymindbendingawesomeness... to being SMASH!ed to bits by a Holy-monstrous-WOW! POW! Kick you in your fucking teeth!
and... "Evan, You Are Loved!" STREAMED at me from a thousand direction!!!
WOW.
I can tell ya that that'll give ya pause...
You can bet your ass on it!
THAT is Pause.
Now, as I was going through that healing process and all that that that was, somewhere in the back of my mind, I know I am going to have to move on.
And a few things were at play on my mind which brought about something even MORE unbelievable than everything you have read to this point!
I'll back up a bit and try to tie it together (and I suppose, an apology for the mental gymnastics my timelines may present to the reader. Just go with it, see the flow and read this as a whole. A complete STREAM! Go on... Do it... scream that stream! Feels damn good! Don't it?)
Now,by the time I was showing real signs of improvement, I put my effort into that VORTEX that I truly believe will allow me to get me back on my feet.
You can call it Mr. E-mobilizing to find an INCOME-stream.
But, 'vortices' by their very nature are fluid-flowing-whirlwinds that'll suck up everything you have got... and even some of what you don't got and may never get. (At least, until you/I get 'it', and oh yes, we will get to that! Later).
It's a cosmic food-processor and I am the meat. The gods are hungry.
It's a sink-hole in some Bermuda-Triangle like place between reality, fantasy, and enlightenment. But more on that later, too.
Point was, money ain't flowing in that INCOME-stream too readily and my only hope of staying alive, (kicking and grasping-gasping for air), is to get into that AIR-STREAM that I put $2,000 hard-earned with the blood of my skinny ass and almost the point of my life to get! Hell, I've only got another 3 to go!
It's my only hope. My home. My chance.
Yet, I'm busting-ass to make it happen... and all I'm getting is tied-up in the weeds, roots and trees. Spun into eddies, sucked under and spat-out again, choking. With every row of my feeble-boat, my oars are getting tangled-up! It's un-fucking-believable. Really.
Now, Derrick & Michelle are watching this whole thing take place, and my one peer does the best he can on his end, the other is far-off on the other end of the pond shooting arrows in Nottingham and it's not looking like my value to this venture is worth what ain't there. So, nickels are stretched. Dimes are actually pennies and stretched thinner than a Cat-5 wire and covered in plastic! (THAT is ANOTHER story in the STREAM we'll get to...)
And MY BROTHERS are pissed. They see my ability, and can't for the life of them, see what I'm seeing, let alone WHY. "There are a million jobs I could take. Fuck this." they say... but I'm certain... I am a driven rain-drop that's got to get to the sea!
And in the midst of seeing that side of it, that side of me, They decide an "Operation" is in order. And what an "Operation" it is!
"Operation Airstream"
A fund-raiser, to get my ass off their couch and into that trailer! To raise the difference! To make it happen!
And what transpires prior to my knowing anything about it, is a tumultuous sea, and I'm a cork floating around like a fool on the surface of uncertainty taxing the patience of MY BROTHER.
Till next post,
Cheers
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